I feel lost and pretty helpless these days. Obviously there is a lot going on, but I'm having a hard time advocating for myself. I feel like I'm either being walked all over or I go into bitch mode and "attack" with a vengeance. Neither one feels good!
The goal is to continue with school, that hasn't ever really changed. It will remain feasible if funding gets sorted out. I love Ellensburg for the small town and community it is; but it is so lonely. I have very few people I truely interact with beyond social niceties. Keola isn't with me anymore (he's living with his dad) so I have even less people to interact with now that I am not involved with his school.
SO NOW WHAT?!?!?!?!?
I have no idea. School, Sobriety and Keola are my priorities. There are a lot of things that go along with those, but if I had to name the main points, those would be it. With the exception of Fall quarter, I've done really well at CWU. I don't think it's necessarily the school, now that school means something to me, I excel at it.
A few different opportunities have been brought up and talked about. Mostly in jest or a "maybe someday...." sense but I'm really not sure what my next move needs to be. Will it be best for Keola to stay with his dad and just have visitation with me? Will it be best for me to get straight and have Keola come back with me full time and visitation with his dad? What about Keola staying with his dad and just having phone/skype relationship? Do I stay in Washington? Do I stay over here or do I move back to the coast? Idaho? California? Arizona? Boston? How will my decision about moving affect Keola? Where can I move and feel like I have support? Do I keep trying to stay connected that know me know? Do I move to be closer to someone that knows what's going on? What about cutting ties and getting a truly fresh start?
My goal is to get through the next six months at CWU, in Ellensburg. I just don't know if I can see myself or myself and Keola in Ellensburg much longer than that. This scares me. I feel so uncertain and shaky, it's been a really long time since I've felt this insecure about my future..... I welcome any thoughts, comments, suggestions, opportunities, support you have.
**** I'll blog later about what's new and happening"****
I am a single mom determined to make opportunities for success for my son. God has blessed my family of two in more ways than I can count. I'm so grateful for that and when I'm not I seem to be surrounded by mom’s who remind me. Currently we live and thrive in Ellensburg, Washington. It's pretty much in the middle of the state and a 180* from our life in Bellevue. We are here by God's grace and provision to reconnect as a family and quality education for both of us.
